“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.”– John Burroughs
You see, she has been around for so long now, that you’ve taken her for granted. You thought, no matter what you said or did, no matter how you hurt her, or put her down. No matter how many promises you made that you didn’t keep. No matter how many times you lied, she would be there forever…because she has always been there.
You allowed yourself to treat her so poorly. You allowed yourself to lose her.
How could you not see that she was worth it? How could you not even see that she was the kind of girl that deserved the world, simply because she would turn her world upside down in a heartbeat for you?
She tolerated you for much longer than anyone else would, but she was always different… that is why she stayed by your dumb ass for so long. She always managed to find hope where nobody else in the world would even think of looking. She was the one that managed to find hope in you when everyone else thought there was not a single ounce left. She stayed even when you left, and she tried to fight for you.
Don’t think for a second that she wanted to leave. She never ever wanted to leave your side. She didn’t want to do it, even when you made her feel like an absolute wreck. Even when you agreed it was best she left, she stayed. And she tried. And she fought. She fought for you because you were her everything. It was always you.
God knows how hard she fought for you, even when she wasn’t strong enough to fight for herself. She fought until she realised that there was nothing else left to fight for and that even if she won that final battle… she would still leave the ring empty-handed. She would have never got you in the end, would she?
You need to understand that she didn’t leave you. You pushed her away.
No matter how different she was, no matter how strong she may have been… she got tired. And in the end, all the strength she had left she put it in to leaving you. You pushed her away and she left even though she didn’t want to.
You really have no idea what you have done.
You have no idea just how much of a massive mistake you’ve made in life. And the worst news of all, is that there is absolutely nothing you can do to undo this. Because once you take a girl like her for granted and you push her to the point that the only choice she has is to leave you, there is no going back.
But trust me when I say that one day, you will wake up, and it will hit you like a bus!
One day, once you’re done with all those airhead wannabe girls that you’ll date… after finishing living a meaningless life… after wandering for a long time and then finally having the courage to get serious about your life, it will hit you.
One day, you will wake up and you will want her back.
Life will finally make you realise just what you had… an amazing girl who always tried to be perfect just for you. A girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she knew how do that. An incredible girl who valued and loved your flaws, just as much as she did your weaknesses. A girl you should have fought for, but let go of.
One day you may get out of bed and make a plan of how to win her back. That day you may just make some sense of your empty life and that day you may just have something to look forward to.
But by the time you finally understand that she is more than worthy… there will be someone else next to her. Someone who has spoiled her with his admiration and affection. She will wake up that day next to someone who doesn’t take her for granted… someone who fought for her and not with her. Someone who didn’t turn his back when things got tough and she was no longer strong enough to fight by herself.
You should have known that girls like her don’t end up single for long. You should have realised that there are guys out there that are just waiting for someone as wonderful as she is. It would be extremely unwise and somewhat stupid, to think for even a second that she would be waiting for someone who never really appreciated her.
And when that reality finally hits you, don’t even try to approach her. Don’t waste your breath telling her that she is the best thing that ever happened to you and that you were stupid to let her slip through your fingers. Don’t tell her that you now finally appreciate just how special she really is… because someone else already has. And he has shown her just how much she means to him.
You will search for her inside of everyone else you will ever be with, because that is what happens when you have been with someone like her. And you will never find anyone that could love you the way she did. You can kid yourself that you will. You can play happy families with someone else… but deep down you know that nothing will compare to the way she cared for you, wanted you, loved you. It never could because it isn’t with her. You watched her become a ghost before your very eyes, and you will wish you had given her one last kiss. You will wish that you had appreciated her every second of every single day you spent together, because now you will know that you won’t ever get that chance again.
And you can hate the man that loves her now… the man that appreciates her and always puts her first. You can hate him as much as you want. It doesn’t change the fact that the only person to blame in all of this, is you!
You never appreciated her when you had the chance and now she has moved on. She doesn’t owe you anything and she will be dammed if she ever leaves the man that finally showed her just how special she really is!
© Belle’s Notepad (Laura Denton) 2017
Photograph courtesy of ©DCB Photography & Design (Danny Clayton Bowell) 2017